The Movie Death Scene

Have you ever really broken someone's heart? I mean actually broken it, not left them in the middle of lunch because you didnt want to spend fourth period as a couple or turned someone that obviously liked you down as a date for dance. I have been thinking about that moment for the past five days without fail, as it comes back to me each time that my brain tries to justify why she would like another guy so soon. To be honest it does FEEL soon, it has only been nine months, which is a long time to anyone that is not insane.

Breaking someone's heart like I did was something that I will never forget, I remember every detail of the room and where I was standing in it. The low dresser on my right and the mirror that she almost broke when she was going to throw my cell phone at my head. Let me be clear early on in this mission of self-discovery, it was me that broke her heart. I mean she was depressed in that hard to break free from post-collegiate way and I couldnt help her anymore. Couldnt break her out of it no matter how much I wanted to because I was part of the problem and part of the solution. But lets again be crystalline, I was the one that broke her heart.

Breaking someones heart is like watching them die in the movies, when they are gasping for their last breath and suddenly their eyes just kind of hollow out. I could see it in her even as she was screaming and crying, there wasnt a fury behind her eyes it was just a coldness. That was what stuck with me the most, knowing that I had ripped from her body every cell devoted to our love and taken it with me out the door. Their eyes go blank, just blank, and seem to disconnect with the rest of what their body is doing.

I remember the car ride to the train station as she screamed at me, I can tell she was literally trying to scream the anger out of her body to make room for something else that would soon become a haunting emptiness I am sure. Even the cat looked at me weird, my little girl, she just sort of looked at me with eyes that said, "Why are you sad today? Is there no food?"

I miss her everyday, and in 30 days I will get up.