Apps

Remember the days when you were able to sit around the circular elevated table at your neighborhood Applebee’s surrounded by your friends. Maybe your woodshop teacher with his “out of his league” hot wife was in a booth nearby. John “Cougar” Mellencamp was a staple on the juke box and espn played solemnly on a 24” Panasonic television that could only be truly appreciated with the 3d glasses you stole from the IGA video store. A couple years before you found yourself in this moment you were likely hitting puberty and you no doubt had some sort of Patrick Swayze-esque fantasy about romantically (if not sexually) intertwining your senses with a local bouncer or dance instructor. Those thoughts have passed slightly but sitting here amongst the patrons of your local bar and grill chain you can’t help but wonder if it still could happen.
This is a simpler time - a time when things were overly important and consequentially insignificant. 90291, the original not this new fandangled show full of gorgeous people and that great actor from The Wire, was the preeminent litmus test for cool. Sideburns were, without irony, in fashion. Cellphones were on the verge of dominance and Apps were a cool way of saying appetizer.
An app, in this universe, was an order of heavily breaded- sodium infused- flash fried-mozzarella “sticks” with a side of ranch dressing generously accompanied with a tray of russet potato halves adorned with full fat sour cream and melted cheddar cheese substitute. An App was not an App as we know it now. An App would not tell us, no matter how many times we pushed it, shook it or updated it what the tides where doing in Costa Rica, what my friends were up to at that very moment, or how many calories I could possibly burn if I did, in fact, “intertwine my senses” with Barbra the local Applebee’s waitress. In fact the only similarity between the Apps of yore and today’s manifestation is the fact that Apps, digital or fried, bring people together. When was the last time you were at a dinner and saw someone order an appetizer alone… Outside of Europe?
Joined over a small portion of death on a plate people become more lively and let’s face it more fun. You may know all that you need to know about someone in the 42 character spaces provided in a twitter post on your iPhone but you don’t get to see their face as they sit across from you over a plate of jalapeño popper and lie to you about how they didn’t mean to sleep with your ex. The digital world of ones and zeroes just can’t provide that. Remember the Days when and App was food - Those were the days of miracle and wonder.